Human History 101

I saw this posted on a corkboard at work and I thought it was very funny.

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers.
They lived on deer in the mountain during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer (or as I would prefer Dr. Pepper) and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to th beer. These were the foundations of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals, and
2. Conservatives
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle or the aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That is how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservtive movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQs and doing the sewing, fetchig, and hair dressing. This was the beginnng of the Liberal movement.
Some noteworthy Liberal achievements include the domestcation of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on erarth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by he jackass.
Mobern liberal like imported beer (with lime added) but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish and prefer their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are all standard liberal fare. An interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, politicians, bureaucrats, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern those who work to produce and decide what to o with the production. Liberals believe European are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in World History.
It should be noted that a liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it (this message was originally an email)
A conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.
And there you have it.
Let your next action reveal your true self.